Lost in Thought: 5 things I’ve learned (so far) from my annual sibling trip
If you have at least one sibling, then you know the ups and downs that come with it. Some moments are filled with pure laughter, joy and bonding. Other moments can be cut-throat, harsh and filled with low-blows that leave you thinking: "Did I ACTUALLY just go there?". You say things to siblings that you normally wouldn't say to another human being because, well, you've known them all your life. You've been there since day one and somehow that gives you the right to tell it as it is. The little nuisances from your childhood follow you into adulthood like shadows serving as the perfect ammunition when things go sideways.
While my siblings and I get together a few times a year, normally it’s only 2 -3 of us at a time rather than all four of us, due to our geographic locations and schedules. A few years ago (on a very rare occasion when my siblings and I were all together) we made a pact. We decided that we would take a trip once a year as a way to reconnect and strengthen our relationships.
Here's what I’ve learned so far.
1) We’ve all grown up and in many ways are getting to know each other all over again, but as adults.
In the last fifteen years some of us moved to other cities, others got married and started families. So, In many ways it’s like we are getting to know each other for the first time, but as adults. As we’ve grown, made mistakes and have come into our own, we’ve become different versions of our younger selves. Each time we get together it’s like we’re getting to know different parts of each other for the very first time. Here’s an example: Last year, the youngest of my two sisters surprised me when she started giving one of our relatives advice on something they were going through. I sat and listened. What came out of her mouth was profound. It was very Oprah-esque. It caught me off guard. To me, my younger sister had always been the one who I talked to about fashion, our skin care routines and pop culture. This side of her was new to me. But in hindsight, it makes perfect sense. Several years ago, she became a mother. As a result, she had to navigate through all the new life experiences that come with that, which made her into a person I hadn’t met before. I’m now enjoying getting to know this new side of her.
First year trip was to New York City. The Photo above was taken at my brother’s United Nations World Oceans Day Reception.
2) It gives parents a sense of relief and comfort knowing we are doing this.
Not to bring down the mood here but let’s face it, there will come a day - knock on wood - when the rock of our family will no longer be here. For us, that’s our mother. She is the glue that keeps us together and one day (as sad as it is to think about), she won’t be around to play that role. It’s important to her that we establish friendships strong enough, so that when we do grow older, and she is not around to bring us together, we are still there for each other. Side note: my father is equally as happy to see us together but mothers are just that glue to families.
3) Fights and disagreements are normal, but it’s important to push pass them.
Fights and disagreements are bound to happen. In fact, during our recent trip to New Orleans, there were a handful. But one thing we’re also good at (aside from fighting) is pushing through it and not holding a grudge. Often times, our fights are small and insignificant and acknowledging that and moving on is important. Expressing ourselves and getting used to being around each other will have its moments, but it's important to keep pushing through them.
4) We all share a unique familial bond that only we know, despite our differences.
We are all different. We like different things. We have different personalities. But there’s one thing that is so strong that only we share with each other and nobody else in the world. A family bond. Childhood memories. Our mother rubbing Vick’s on our chests when we were sick. Packed car rides to Disney world. Fighting for the toy in the cereal box. We were all there and the list goes on. Each one of these memories are part of the very fabric that made us who we are today and I don’t share that with anybody else on this earth but them.
The four of us (I have my back to the camera) at Disney World, sometime in the 80’s.
5) It’s never going to be perfect.
I’m a dreamer and all my life I’ve seen fun, loving and ‘picture perfect’ families on television and in movies. While it may appear this way to some people that run into us during one of our finer moments, we’re aren’t in the slightest. Some of us have more in common, others have more to talk about and that’s ok. Just because we have the same blood running through our veins does not mean that we all have to be on the same page all the time. It's important to embrace our differences.
All in all, the first two trips have been well worth it. As we continue this journey together, I will keep you updated. The next trip location and date is yet to be confirmed but regardless of where we end up, I know it will be an adventure!
